Terrible day. Also, the worst. Also, very bad.

Most days around the Ranchero are pretty good. Passable, at least. Yesterday, had I checked my horoscope (if I were the type of person that did that sort of thing), I can about guarantee that I would have been given a one-star day.

We had big plans (waterpark!). Dan was delayed for hours while working on a project, so those plans were scrapped. I probably don’t have to detail the response of the children. Let’s just say that certain members of the family were very disappointed. Best part of that is that said family member a) doesn’t really know what a waterpark is, and b) has no concept of time, so explaining that we would go next week did not appease him. I should have just taken the kids around the block and told him that the fire hydrant was the waterpark.

I made the mistake that most people do at one time or another – I believed something that I read on the internet. I belong to a forum for pre-health students, and there has been a fair amount of speculation as to when we will be receiving our PCAT scores. Any other test date, the damn things would have been here by now. They usually arrive around the five-week mark (because it takes five weeks to feed a scantron sheet through machine).

The PCAT people have somewhat of a scam going where they post scores online right after sending the score reports. Sometimes the score reports take a few days, and I just don’t trust our post office. The lady behind the counter is quite mean, and she might have pulled mine out just to spite me. She is probably laughing about it right now. But I digress. The online scores are available for a $20 fee. A large number of desperate exam takers willingly fork over what seems like a nominal fee compared to the outrageous fees we are already paying for the test itself, the PharmCAS fees, and supplemental application fees. Twenty bucks is nothing when you are already dropping a grand on all of this stress and paperwork.

So yesterday, when people on the internet said that they called Pearson (the testing company) and that scores had been mailed, I believed them. It should be only a matter of time before the online scores came up. In the past, the website has gone down for a thirty minute period between 8:30 and 9:00 PM, then scores were up. Or maybe that happened once. Either way, the internet people were pretty sure that this was the plan. I wish some of these people would have informed Pearson of the plan.

Later, some other internet person called and Pearson told this person that online scores would not be up until Friday, but that the scores had been mailed a day earlier than the previous internet person. So I got all excited for nothing, and now have two or three more days to wait.

This is not good.

I am all twitchy. I have bitten all of my fingernails (Probably would have done the toenails, too, but I just had a pedicure. Plus, at my advanced age, I might not be flexible enough.). I have not been sleeping well, and I feel hungover (but without the fun of partying the night before). I have a rash, which I could not stop scratching due to nerves. At this point, it is more like a spread-out wound than a rash. And it is in my armpits. Who does that? Who scratches an already bleeding rash in their armpit? I need help.

Since I needed immediate help, I decided to go to one of those MinuteClinics that are in some CVS pharmacies, since I wasn’t really in the mood to make an appointment and wait. I like instant gratification. Unfortunately, instant gratification was not on the menu.

Apparently, the city of Woodbury necessitates two CVSs. It is without question that I went to the wrong one first. In order to confirm this, I had to wait in line behind an elderly lady standing at the counter, arguing about how many rewards points she would be receiving for her purchase. The manager had to be called over, etc.

A u-turn or two later, I was at the correct CVS. There was a decent-sized line of fellow invalids, so I opted to purchase a few magazines to entertain myself. I had to wait in line after an elderly lady standing at the counter, arguing about how many rewards points she would be receiving for her purchase.

I have to be honest, I just don’t get the concept of doing the bulk of your shopping at the pharmacy. This is Woodbury, not midtown Manhattan. It takes just as much effort to go to Target, and the selection is so much broader. You can make impulse clothing buys at Target! Diapers don’t cost an arm and a leg (merely and arm)! Target’s house brand of medications and personal products have markedly more attractive packaging! Get this – they even have a pharmacy. And a clinic, but their stupid clinic doesn’t take my insurance. So I am at CVS and in the minority because my hair is not blue.

After an interminable wait, the nurse practitioner takes one look at my rash, writes me two prescriptions, and spends twenty minutes trying to find the name of my condition in the computer so she can properly document it. She sends my script to Target because that is where normal people go. And I need portobello mushrooms for dinner and CVS does not appear to carry produce.

Woodbury is one giant construction zone, and after following various detours, I wind up on the jam-packed freeway going in the opposite direction of Target. Forty-five minutes later, I arrive at my destination.

Return home. Frantically check website. Disappointment. Pour large glass of Franzia with ice.

Really, the only thing I have at this point to give me pleasure is a greeting card with a dancing hamster in a cowboy hat that plays a remix of The Hampster Dance. And Rex-Goliath threw it in a puddle earlier in the afternoon, so the thing only works sporadically. I have hit a new low.

–Mrs. Wonderful

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